So, it's that time again. At the very end of the year, I look at every film I saw this year, and rank them from the very worst to the very best. The Films of 2018 (with a name change upon realizing that these weren't really "top" films if all of them are placed on this list). Just a reminder, this is every film I saw during the year that was released in some capacity to a wide audience in the United States (since that was the only way I could've seen it). If it came out in 2017 to select audiences, but had a wide release this year, it counts. If a film isn't on this list, I simply didn't see it, easy as that. Although, I doubt it, because by my count, I saw 103 films this year (hence, why I might release this before my usual New Years release date). Part of that was the late MoviePass, which afforded me the opportunity to see a lot of films in its short time as the hot thing before its collapse, and it just kept on going. Will this number be the new norm for the next few years? No clue. After noting that number to my sister recently, she suggested splitting it into two parts to keep it shorter. This is a great suggestion, and why there are two parts now. For those who want the full spectrum, I will put the two lists together after both are posted. Also why I forgoed the posters (honestly, I never liked doing that) So, without further ado,
Worst of the Year:
Red Sparrow
I don't really have a strict criteria for what ends up in worst place. It's more of a gut feeling, really. I just kind of know or realize something is the worst just ruminating on a film or even right after watching it. For this year, it really was no contest, because I wanted to walk out of this film. The only reason I didn't was that I saw it with my dad (a decision I regret). This was the one I hated the most, because it was the most offensive. The film chastises the audience for indulging in sexualizing Jennifer Lawrence's Russian spy lead (a tool brutally used by the SVR in a exploitative manner), then very hypocritically indulges in such exploitation to such a degree that it outbalances any defense it has that it is "commenting" on sexual exploitation in spy films. This was legitimately uncomfortable to watch, and not for the reasons the filmmakers likely intended. I felt angry watching this, with the level of hypocrisy that it indulges in. Along with that unforgivable aspect, the film is also incredibly confusing and boring, with an ending that literally defies explanation. Once I finally got out of this slog, there was no question that it was likely going to be the very worst of the year, and here we are.
Bad:
Peppermint
I considered tying this with Red Sparrow, because I also felt like walking out of this. What ultimately kept it off was the fact that I saw this alone, and saw the whole damn thing, so I could've walked out, but didn't (should've, though). This is very much this year's American Assassin, where it is drenched in reactionary politics in a distinctly Trumpian mold with its overt focus on Mexican drug cartels and villainizing them specifically, along with endowing them with influence within our legal system that is likely unearned. This was offensive, especially in this climate, as well as (to keep with the American Assassin comparison) incredibly dull and confusing.
The Cloverfield Paradox
The previous two films were ones I wanted to leave, but decided against. This film has a leg up (or down rather) on them, because I actually never finished watching this. Not because I was offended (this is so milquetoast and generic that I can't imagine anyone getting offended by this), but just lack of interest. Really, it wasn't even that bad from what I saw, but that the fact I a.) decided that life was too short and postponed finishing it, and b.) went ten months without finishing kind of warrants a spot here.
Billionaire Boy's Club
Leaving Kevin Spacey aside, this was yet another lazy retread of "started from the bottom, now the top, back to the bottom" bit of vacuous so-called "commentary" on American capitalism. I really can't think of anything else to say about this, that I didn't already do in my previous evisceration of this. It was just another one of these films, and the only reason it will be notable is the fact that it is Kevin Spacey's last coherent performance and the fact that he lead to the film's haphazard release, making it one of the biggest flops of the year.
Gotti
The film with a well-deserved 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. One that takes what should be the straight-forward story of Gambino crime family head John Gotti, and obfuscating it through confusing narration, underexplained characters and motivations, and John Travolta's frankly bizarre, almost parody version of Gotti. This was so bad, it was kind of mesmerizing. It felt like one of those really bad Coleman Francis movies on Mystery Science Theater 3000, the kind of utter failure that makes it a bit compelling. I kind of want to see one of those "oral histories" done on this, to see just how they screwed up what should've been something that was as direct as the life of John Gotti.
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
Well, now we get into the area of "movies that aren't offensive or ill-conceived or incompetent," this was technically better than the last four entries, but frankly, I got angry watching this. It just feels so corporate, so cynically made, conceived more by a marketing department using focus testing than by any sort of vision or passion. There was a literal Disney film with commercials in it that felt less of a product than this. It is yet another "gritty reboot", with a twist villain, an attempt to make sense of a fantasy realm meant to be abstract, and a very cynical attempt to make it as broad and tentpole as possible. I legitimately felt mad at the sheer gall of this film to play cliches completely straight. Easily the worst of live-action Disney.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
A lot of defenses for this film center on how they didn't mind the various deficiencies in plot and characterization, because it was "fun to watch". That's good to hear, but to follow this assumption, I have to actually think this movie was fun to watch, and not incredibly boring and absurd. I was not invested at all, and the other problems of the film just sprung out even harder. If you want to make a fun, dumb movie, make a fun, dumb movie, not a dull one with pretensions towards social commentary. Like I said in my review, this is easily the worst Jurassic Park by a long shot. I can't imagine it getting worst, but who knows? Maybe the next one will have Chris Pratt literally get eaten by a T.Rex, only to cut his way out of his stomach.
Robin Hood
This really didn't know what it wanted to be. A more historically accurate take on the tale? A commentary on modern events using the story? A fun romp with absurd action? They decided to put them all together, and the result is as haphazard as you can imagine. This is the kind of film where an elaborate Prince of Persia-esque action set piece is followed by a very brutal depiction of war crimes. If they had stuck to one, it might've worked better, but this was also just boring and the action too unnecessarily CGI'd for it to have any real impact.
Life of the Party
I don't know why I watched this. Melissa McCarthy comedies have never appealed to me, and somehow, it sunk below my already low expectations. With no real plot, McCarthy largely just wanders around, improvising, mostly making incredibly unfunny jokes. Like with Jurassic World 2's action pieces, the ineptness of the humor means that the plot, in all its meandering, contrived manner, is ever more egregious. Maybe in its defense, the audience seemed to enjoy it, so good for them, I suppose, but this was agonizing to get through.
Boundaries
This was bizarrely bad. Again, no real plot, with characters who are either deeply unlikable or just creepy in their behavior, and no real sense of urgency or sympathy. Worst, just sitting here, I really can't remember anything about this. I just remember just how weird and tedious this was. Given I have another 94 films to do, I don't think more needs to be said.
Chappaquiddick
What could be an interesting examination of wealth, privilege, politics, and scandal, and the intersection of all four within the Chappaquiddick incident in 1968, instead devolves into TV movie melodrama. This looks very cheap and shot generically. The acting is pretty subpar, with even Bruce Dern giving a largely inert performance as Joe Kennedy, Sr. Again, aside from that, I can't really remember anything about this, it was just bad in a generic sense.
I Feel Pretty
This had the rare moment for comedy for me, since the audience was almost completely silent. Maybe a chuckle once or twice, but overall I didn't hear a sound coming out of the other patrons. This was painfully unfunny, with the already dubious premise of serious brain damage as a device to push the plot (this is becoming a thing for some reason), and, despite its body positivity message, engages in very hypocritical fat jokes. I got maybe some chuckles from this, so this was technically better than Life of the Party, but not by much.
The Spy Who Dumped Me
Okay, I'm going to repeat myself with this. It wasn't funny, the jokes were stale and obvious. It is yet another spy comedy, in a genre that has been oversaturated since the 60's. It's action was both unengaging and surprisingly dark for a wacky comedy like this. Its twist is fairly obvious, and its plot was fairly predictable. Again, what I could give this over the other comedies was that Mila Kunis and Kate McKinnon have good chemistry, so that was mildly entertaining, though even they get tiresome after a bit.
Suspiria
Director Luca Guadagnino said that this was not a remake as much as his own interpretation of the original. Apparently, his interpretation involved taking everything that worked about the original (the use of colors, the scares, the sense of mystery and intrigue), and making instead a dull, obvious historical drama, where its themes are confused or underexplored or just dropped at the end. I wasn't asking for a shot-for-shot remake (which would've been bad and unnecessary in its own right), but even taking the original out, this was just tedious and pretentious, and overlong. Seriously, this was over 2 and a half hours, and it felt even longer. There was an after credits scene apparently, but I wasn't going to stick around to see it.
Kin
You know, this was built up for me as a "so-bad-it's-good" feature, and it's not. Aside from truly bizarre scenes (like one where James Franco urinates in a gas station. Yes, really), it really just is kind of a generic attempt at melding a sci-fi high concept with a family drama with a road trip movie. The characters are irrational, and the plot really only works because the characters act in utterly bizarre and illogical ways. It was bad, but not in a particularly interesting or fun way. It was just kind of boring.
Beirut
I keep forgetting that a.) this movie exists, and b.) I saw it. Once I get there, I vaguely remember the plot. There was an ex-diplomat, and he is brought in before the 1982 Invasion of Lebanon to negotiate with a PLO insurgent who he had raised. Something about the latter's brother held in an Israeli prison. Actually, I remembered a lot more of this than I thought. The biggest thing about this film was that I can't remember much about this. This was just a generic period thriller with nothing really distinguishable. Its worst crime is wasting Jon Hamm and Rosamund Pike (who I just remembered was also in here).
You Were Never Really Here
This is probably going to be the "controversial" choice on this list, given that it has an 86% on Rotten Tomatoes. Frankly though, I hated this feature. Like the Suspiria remake, it takes a fairly interesting premise, and basically nullifies its potential by making as drab and pedestrian as possible. I had a hard time following what was happening, and a hard time caring. One film critic I saw praised the sound editing. I have no clue how, given that a scene revealing a key piece of information had dialogue sounds equivalent to listening to Charlie Brown's parents. Again, I didn't care about anything that happens in this, and the normally superb Joaquin Phoenix is left without much to do.
Where Hands Touch
Anyone remember that episode of American Dad where Roger was a Bond-style supervillain, with a plot to create a pure Oscar Bait film to cause people to literally die of sadness? This felt like a real life incarnation of Oscar Gold. A film focusing on the Black Rhinelanders (basically, the children of French African soldiers and German women following the First World War and the French occupation of the Rhineland) during Nazi Germany, it feels very Oscar Bait-y, with the way that it heavy-handedly deals with racism, Nazism, and history. That in and of itself wouldn't be so bad (I don't necessarily think that Oscar Bait has to be bad), but its main problem is that it feels too generic and Hollywood in its treatment of this subject manner. It feels more like a Weinstein sort of calculated attempt at awards recognition, without trying to deal with the heavy historical subject in a meaningful or impactful way. The story of the Rhineland children and their struggles during the Nazi era really deserved much better than this.
Bohemian Rhapsody
The interesting, dynamic presence of Freddie Mercury and his sordid life is sadly condensed into a simple standard "music biopic" format by director Bryan Singer and screenwriter Anthony McCarten (notable for other standard biopics like Theory of Everything and Darkest Hour). Rami Malek delivers a great performance, but is saddled with a script that leaves him with little to do aside from the standard stuff one might find in a music biopic, and with some changes that feel egregious knowing the real story. It's a shame that Freddie Mercury and Queen, who were known for their genre bending, innovative music, are reduced to following cliches. Oh, yeah, and they don't play a Queen song in full until the Live Aid reenactment at the very end. So, they didn't even get that part right.
Life Itself
Dan Fogelman made the program This is Us, which was decent enough from my admittedly limited viewing. Unfortunately, he attempted to make lightning strike twice with this a film that is misguided in its ambition and scope. Its attempts at making a branch of narratives that ultimately intersect fall apart due to painful dialogue (which is only mitigated thanks to actors like Mandy Patinkin and Antonio Banderas), poor characterization, and very confused attempts at themes. This is a film where the concept that things are unexpected is the same thing as an unreliable narrator. Ambition is a good thing, but sometimes, you end up with a Project Vanguard.
Meh
Anna and the Apocalypse
Yet another ambitious project that unfortunately fails to live up to its promise. The idea of a "zombie-Christmas-musical" is fairly interesting in its own right, but the film squanders this by having inert, mostly forgettable songs, a jarring tone where brutal scenes of zombies interact with elaborate musical numbers in a way that feels entirely incongruous, and a mostly generic zombie apocalypse plot (which I would've forgiven had the former two not also been problems). It's a real shame, because the actors seem to be having fun and it does feel like there was passion behind this project, so I can't be too mad at it, but not enough to really like it.
The Oath
The sheer absurdity of the Trump era has become a source for comedy for the past three years. Some of it great, some of it good, some of it bad. This is in the latter category. Obvious jokes with obvious archetypes stating what they would obviously say. Even during the main thrust of the plot, this problem sort of infests the rest of the film. Still, some occasionally interesting and funny moments (including a twist for one of the antagonists) keeps this from being completely irredeemable.
The Wife
I guessed the twist of this from the trailer. I'm not sure if this was intended or not, given that there is general hints of it early on. Aside from decent performances from Glenn Close and Jonathan Pryce, this felt like a sort of prestige film that would appeal to white, upper-class film snobs, but has little utility beyond that. Not to say that it is only liked by that group, but it's not exactly the kind of film that will be remembered beyond a year from now.
Collette
I was very mad at this film when I first saw it. I'm not sure why now, it really didn't deserve the kind of ire I had towards it. Sure, it's a generic historical drama which sandpapers its interesting subject into a palatable format for the aforementioned film snobs to celebrate their own liberalism, but it is competent, Keira Knightley gives a good performance as the titular author, and it has very good intentions in showing the life of an innovative novelist and lesbian in the early 20th Century. Can't say that I liked it, but I could see why others might.
Venom
I felt bad watching this, because whenever something stupid happened (and that was frequent), I would just burst out into laughter, and I felt bad for disrupting the other patrons. Despite getting tons of unintentional enjoyment from this, I feel its badness has been overblown a little by critics. Yeah, it's funny sometimes (especially the bromance between the Venom symbiote and Tom Hardy), but it's largely boring and its fight scenes and CGI incomprehensible. Honestly, it's just kind of bad the same way other bad blockbusters tend to be. Still, I would rather watch this than any of the DCEU trio of suckage, so there's that.
Thoroughbreds
Another possibly controversial one. I've softened a little on this, and I might be more inclined towards it, if I watched it again, but as is, I felt this to be subpar. Largely feeling more like an imitation of one of those 90's high school dark comedies, this fails to really make us care about its leads or their goals or really, gives any sort of insight into the world that these two girls inhabit and how it affects their outlook.
Overboard
What puts this above the other three comedies is that I laughed a decent number of times, so I technically liked it more. Well, "laughed" is a strong term. I chuckled a couple times. Having not seen the original, this was not good per se, but it's not terrible, at least as far as comedies go.
Gringo
This is frustrating, because I did laugh a few times and it had some very good jokes, but I found everything around it to be awful. The characters are so unlikable, and the story is so haphazard, that I find it hard to relate invest myself in. However, I am ashamed to admit, I did laugh, and laughed hard, a fair number of times, so I suppose that it wasn't entirely without merit. Honestly, I wouldn't recommend seeing it though.
A Simple Favor
After seeing two of his other features (Bridesmaids and Spy), I can confidently say Paul Feig movies aren't my thing (a real shame, because I love Freaks and Geeks). The main reasons I find at least in his comedies is his overreliance on improvisation and his largely stale filmmaking. The main problem with this is largely the latter. Because this is a more serious drama, Feig's blank, generic directing makes it seem more like a Lifetime movie or some cheap TV Gone Girl knock-off. It really doesn't much help to convey what should be a shocking film. Still, the performances of Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively, and the legitimate funny moments, are enough that I did have some enjoyment from watching this.
The Grinch
It bothered me throughout the year that this was not called How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It's an iconic story with a title that conveys exactly what it's about; why simplify it. Anyway, the once famously cantankerous Grinch is, in this version, slightly spiteful and mostly just sardonic then malicious, until he decides to steal Christmas, for reasons too banal to really describe. Ultimately, though, it wasn't nearly bad enough to be offensive, and the look really captured Dr.Seuss' vision. However, just read the book or watch the Chuck Jones version if you need to quinch your Grinch hunger.
Juliet, Naked
Another one I had to struggle to remember what it was about. I'm not terribly familiar with the oeuvre of author Nick Hornsby, so maybe the particular themes of this work might resonate with his fans more. Honestly, this was just kind of pedestrian and not very distinguishable from other pseudo-indie features of its nature. The only real thing of note was the three leads, with Ethan Hawke stealing the show as what I think is supposed to be a "Jeff Buckley if he lived" sort.
A Wrinkle in Time
This year's "What the Hell" entry. I didn't like this, but I have to admit: it was interesting in its badness. Its weird, expansive visuals failed to relate to a confused, seemingly heavily edited down story. I had to watch to see where this was going. For a film that was ultimately bad, I was interested in what was going to happen, and it was never dull. It really is the sort of thing that will become a cult classic down the line.
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That's it for Part I. Please join us for part two coming up in the next few days.
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